Personal Inspiration!

just wanted to post this article that a friend sent to me – it really explains a lot about how i grew up and what i felt like, although i was diagnosed at 18 months instead of 12 years so things were similar but different at the same time.  it’s inspiring!

juvenile rheumatoid arthritis is a very interesting disease…i have read and heard it called “the invisible disease” because if i cover up all my scars and i’m not limping too bad, you can’t even tell i have it!  but it’s definitely alive and well in my body lately so it’s been a little bit harder to hide; in fact, i just got up from my desk to help someone and it was a sloooow start to get my ankles going!

here’s a sweet little picture of my and my baby brother.  if you look closely, you will notice the full leg cast i have on my right leg – probably a knee or ankle surgery but i don’t remember (i’m sure mom could tell me).  this was a common theme in pictures at the time 🙂

i really didn’t spend much time in my life feeling sorry for myself (i don’t think…correct me i’m wrong, mom and friends!).  it has been more difficult in the past couple years than ever before.  The severity has been especially real to me since we got engaged because i’ve been feeling so badly during a time that’s supposed to be fun and exciting, with lots of showers and parties and people around you.  My normal personality is completely outgoing, energetic, fun and social but i feel that changing because i don’t have the energy anymore.  i’m not gonna lie, sometimes i also get overwhelmed at the thought of marrying mason and automatically putting all the physical, emotional and financial strain of my disease on him.  i feel sometimes like it was enough that my family had to deal with that my entire life and so now i just need to take care of myself.  (my family never made me feel like this at all, i just do that to myself.)

i am learning a lot about marriage through struggling with this though.  the point is, you marry someone regardless of what “might” happen in the future because no matter what happens, you want to go through your life with that person by your side.  i have no idea what’s going to happen to my with my arthritis – i get overwhelmed thinking it will get way worse before it gets better – that i will have 80-year-old blown up, swollen ankles within 5 years that won’t stop swelling and cause my mobility to decrease greatly.  BUT, for all i know, my ankle specialist will finally give me the okay to get new ankles in the next few years and i will be running circles around mason!  i have no idea.  i also don’t know what good and bad things mason might go through in the future but i really want to be there for them.

none of us is perfect, and God is perfecting us daily when we ask for His help.  that’s all i’ve got for you!  i usually have a lot more positive and encouraging things to say, but sometimes that’s really it – God has taken care of me up to this point and He will continue.  He never changes, even when we do.  it’s hard to understand from our human perspective, especially since we personify God so often and compare Him to the greatest people we know – but that’s not Him!  He is so far beyond what we can ever imagine – His faithfulness, love and care are completely unselfish and neverending.  and He doesn’t want us to hole ourselves up in our houses in fear that no one will accept and love us with the flaws that we have. 

whew, sorry to preach there but it’s simply true!  this post went a little bit differently than the one paragraph i had planned on writing but i hope maybe it helps someone who’s struggling.

it’s also important to learn to take things in stride and realize the humor in not-so-funny things.  like i said, i have had this disease my entire life and had some major surgeries and hospitalizations because of it.  but sometimes it’s just funny that i am an 85-year-old woman in a 26-year-old body and my friends like to point that out sometimes, and i appreciate that.  i want to be approachable and relate to people and i’m glad that don’t see me a fragile, weird, sad girl.

as i told mason last week when i was trying out a really awesome dance move in the mall to make him laugh “they said i wouldn’t even walk, and now LOOK AT THESE MOVES!”

my roomie and me breaking it down at a Christmas benefit in charlotte in my brunette-headed days

i hope you are having a wonderful Wednesday!

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Published in: on July 14, 2010 at 8:33 am  Leave a Comment  

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